Dumb Military Stories

[Lampens]

Hmm. We have the same old jokes with newbies like in wintertime, when we are performing maintenance on the vehicles, we ask them to go to the mechanical maintenance group and ask for winterair to be put in the tires. Then when they ask about it, answer it's because of in wintertime the airpressure is lower or higher or something. There is always some newbie who falls for it.

 

[kernelofwisdom]

Hmm. We have the same old jokes with newbies like in wintertime, when we are performing maintenance on the vehicles, we ask them to go to the mechanical maintenance group and ask for winterair to be put in the tires. Then when they ask about it, answer it's because of in wintertime the airpressure is lower or higher or something. There is always some newbie who falls for it.

That's awesome!

 

[mikemack]

At Ft. Gordon for advanced individual training, you could trick anybody into anything, b/c everybody was temporary and most people were newbies.
!

I went to school at Gordon.

Not really a dumb story but I remember the chow hall in basic, you couldn't have ANY of the good stuff ( cheeseburgers ,cake, soda etc) if you did sneak it you would pay dearly if caught. We get to school at Gordon and we're in line picking out healthy stuff all the while looking at the cheeseburgers and drooling. After about 3 days of this the server says " You guys can have the burgers this isn't basic." Our eyes lit up and we scarfed down some serious quantities of burgers, cake, soda, and cookies

 

[Beerdog80]

 

[GNR4EVR]

I was in an aviation outfit in Atlanta. Things were a bit slow since all our aircraft were out. I walked into Maintenance Control where the Senior Chief and Lt. were talking. The Senior Chief was making fun of the Lt.'s baldness, to which the Lt. replied "Hair dont grow on a busy highway"...
I couldnt help myself, I said "I heard it wont grow in a windtunnel either, sir"...
When the Senior Chief could finally compose himself, he said "Get him, Sir!"... I still laugh about that one...

 

[markeod72]

When I first came in the Army I was an 11M (mechanized Infantry for the civilians). We had the new guys check the Bradley's for soft spots on the armor. Have them walk around the Track with a ball peen hammer and a piece of chalk marking off the spots that sounded different. Then send them to the BN welder with a Bradley with white circles all over it!

Or have the new guy jump up and down on the Bradley to check the shocks. Mind you it is 28 tons with a 150lbs 19 year jumping up and down on it. Pretty funny.

 

[Lungo]

I was stationed onboard the USCGC Yocona in Kodiak Alaska right out of boot camp. In 1993 we were going to Russia and before pulling in to port we were on deck painting over surface rust so the boat would look pretty. Of course we had to do it all over again after getting back to Kodiak. Anyone that's ever worked on a boat knows you don't paint over rust.

Even though we all have these "stupid military" stories, it was easy to see when I left service in 1998 how truely inept the civilian world is. I find it funny when I see people that's never been in the military talk shit when the world they live in is fucked up as a football bat.

 

[USP45Tim]

Hmmm... I've seen people jump out of windows and go AWOL, a guy attempt suicide by stabbing himself in the ear with a Q-Tip, a guy go UA from Boot, get a hamburger from Arbies, THEN return to Boot. He was discharged that day.

I wouldn't change any of my experiences for the world.

 

[geochem1st]

Here is a smart military story.

I was piggy backing on a research cruise in the Arctic (NEWP '92) on "WAGB 11 Polar Sea". There is no drinking alowed on US Military ships, but I noticed that the hold was filled with pallets of beer stacked 5 ft high, filling an entire corner of the hold. I was thinking WTF???

After we finished our transects the Captain picks a large thick ice flow and runs the ship temporarily aground on it.... no harm done since we could quite easily go into ramming mode and turn it into crushed ice if so desired.

A landing party of 8 was sent out with sniper rifles and a perimeter was setup on the ice..... just in case of polar bears being around as they shadowed our ship for weeks.
You could see there tracks coming right up to the ship.

The cranes go into action and the hold opens up..... all attention is set on offloading the pallets of beer. The crew is dispatched to the ice for an impromtu beach party in the ice and snow, most dressed only in their bathing suits. Since we were no longer ship board, all was fair and all of the pallets were consumed. After 4 or 5 hours we boarded the ship, much happier, relaxed.... and ready for another round with the Arctic.

 

[dubyatf]

Battlefield 2 is awesome for stuff like that!

OT: We gotta have a MLP BF2 round one of these nights! I love that game!

 

[Fiesta Red]

It would be a waste to have intelligent people in the military, who wants to have smart people killed off in war?

Really? That's your impression of people in the military?

 

[kernelofwisdom]

-snip-

I wouldn't change any of my experiences for the world.

No doubt the insanity dished out is worth it. A great crowd of men and women that I was honored to serve with. Salt of the earth, impressive in character and deeds. But still, a lot of funny stuff happened. This thread should be titled Funny Military Stories.

 

[Lampens]

There was this exercise in Poland. Two female soldiers had to drive their ambulance with some sick or injured soldier back to Seedorf in germany, were at that time there was still a dutch base. They didn't get a map I believe, so that's a point in their favour, but nonetheless they set of towards Seedorf, eastbound all the way. Ran out of gas near the russian border.
The commander they fell under during that exercise was really pissed off at them and called them inappropriate names, so our company commander had to go over there and talk that shit out.
Granted, they didn't have a map so the story goes, but seeing Moscow or Kiev getting closer all the time on roadsigns must have been a dead giveaway that they were going in the wrong direction.

 

[coldsteal2]

I guess i was lucky i pretty much had very professional
units i was attached to.
But in Basic Training, i did see something pretty retarded,
while we on fire watch (Mid watch) we caught a young male
recruit screwing a young female recruit in a half full garbage
dumpster behind the chow hall

gross

 

[Lampens]

While in Kosovo we all had to move outside the base because the EOD was going to blow up an uxo at the edge of the base. They were sweeping the camp so everybody was off. apparently they found a couple screwing in the back of a truck. Everybody knew they were gonna detonate the damn thing at that time and of course sweep the base before that. They must have been really horny I guess.

 

[coldsteal2]

im tellin ya!

 

[GNR4EVR]

It would be a waste to have intelligent people in the military, who wants to have smart people killed off in war?

Really now. We have nuclear physicists, fighter pilots, microminiature electronics repair techs, engineers, scientists, doctors, dentists, and you think that the only people serving their country are dumb? Wow.

 

[Beerdog80]

Really now. We have nuclear physicists, fighter pilots, microminiature electronics repair techs, engineers, scientists, doctors, dentists, and you think that the only people serving their country are dumb? Wow.

I was choosing to ignore his off handed remark (I guess my two degrees count for nothing) but those are some really great points.

 

[Fiesta Red]

I was choosing to ignore his off handed remark (I guess my two degrees count for nothing) but those are some really great points.

I earned my first degree while serving in the military as well.

I'm surprised more military and ex-military members here haven't said something about this. What a way to express your gratitude. Isn't this guy a business owner here or a sponsor or something?

 

[SKATTERBRANE]

I did not say there were not intelligent people in the military,.......did I?