My First Real Job> Oh ,How Time Fades Away

[Tim Fezziwig]

Tim T here at my chipped table. IT IS HOT in Pa. It got me thinking about yesteryear. The time was 1985. I was 18 years young. A TRUE PUNK! I worked as a dishwasher in HS. My first "real" job was as a landscaper/shepherd. I worked at a bed and breakfast ,housed on 20 acres. My job was to mow grass and take care of the menagerie. I LOVED my job.

Most days I would "really"work only 3 hours. I "hid" in the basement of the banquet hall for at least two hours aday. My"boss" was a self-made millionare. A tough old bird. He worked HARD every day. He would work in the restaurant. I would walk by the window in full view of all. I would wet my head,so I looked like I was sweating I would have a "determined" look on my face and a broom on my shoulder.

I would then beeline for the banquet hall for a snooze. It was VERY scary in the basement. I could not put on a light or I would be found out. I would use the feeble light on my digital watch to lead the way. I would lay behing the furnace and set the alarm on my watch for two hours. It was pitch black down there. I "swore" I heard demons whispering to me.One day the "boss" came downstairs with a plumber. I thought I was caught. Luckily, they didn't see me. They left and I finished my nap. I then walked by the window BROOM IN HAND What a HARD worker.

My coworker ,RedBeard, was a biker+alkie. He had a ZZTOP beard. He and I would drink beer all day. We had a keg in our garage. I would be DRUNK by 1:00 pm. RedBeard and I took care of around 25 farm animals. I LOVED THE GOATS! They were so smart. One day RedBeard and I had to kill a lame chicken. We were drunk ,so the job was messy. We cut off half the chicken's head. The chicken flew about ,drenching RedBeard and I with blood. Some guy saw us and called the cops. He thought we were serial killersThe local cops came and had a laugh.

One day I "played " one of my co-workers. He was from Barbados. His name was Winston. He was an idiot. He believed Pro Rassling was real. He would cry when his favorite rassler,THE GREAT RICK STEAMBOAT, got whupped. Winston was a thief. We all knew it. I signed a $5 bill. Nice cursive writing. I was dusting some lamps.

I yelled to Winston

"Look what I found".

I pulled out my "signed" $5 bill.

Winston immediately ran over.

"That is mine<I put it there yesterday."
I shook my head.
"Why is my name signed on the bill?"
"I was showing RedBeard how to sign your name"

I gave Winston that "signed" $5. It was WAY worth it. I laugh right now thinking about it.


I was a sex-starved teen. There was girls all over . There were lines of stores on the grounds. I would "spy" on the girls as they worked. THEY WERE 80's HOT! Huge hair and yellow+black tops. I took several of the girls out on dates THEY WERE DUDS! All beauty and no brains. They were more fun as fantasies.

There was a video store next to the candy shoppe. Two "gay" guys ran the shop. THEY LOVED ME! I would walk around with my shirt off. They would let me watch movies for free. TONS OF PORNO! Classic porno. WOW! One day they filled my car to the top with porno flyers. IT WAS GREAT!

I had a "horrible " day once. I was cutting shingles on my leg>>> DUMB MOVE! The sheetrock knife slipped and cut my leg. BLOOD EVERYWHERE! My sister worked as a cook there,it was how I got my job. I was in the kitchen with my pants down as my sister bandaged my leg. One waiter walked by with a "queer" look on his face. My sister was on her knees putting the bandage on. IT LOOKED WRONG!. I went back out to do more work.

I then made a MAJOR mistake. NEVER PUT A HAMMER ON TOP OF A LADDER...
EVER! I made that gaff. I went to move the ladder and WAMMO! The hammer "crowned" the top of my skull. CONCUSSION CITY! The "boss" looked into my eyes,

"Boy your are CONCUSSED~!"
He said,
"Go home Tim,I'll pay you for the whole day"

I drove home with blood on my leg and on my head. My head POUNDED! I had to drive 20 miles to get home. I went home and went to bed. THE WORSE THING TO DO WITH A CONCUSSION.

I eventually got "laid off". It was a very sad day. I knew I woud never have a job like this again. Free beer. 2 hour naps. Free Porno. I was young +dumb and full of JUNK! I'm wiping a tear as I write this. Oh,How Time Fades Away!

Signing off from HardWorkadelphia
Tim Slacker
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPQpjDotrNE]Neil Young - Time Fades Away - Time Fades Away-original - YouTube[/ame]

 

[wwit]

Yeah what I would give to be 17-18 again.

 

[Tim Fezziwig]

Yeah what I would give to be 17-18 again.

WW,Me too! I was BAD! Anything I wanted, was mine. Drunk driving=NO SWEAT! The 80's were AWESOME! No rules just Party Party Party!

 

[Rich]

My first job was when I was around 14 or 15 years old. I worked one summer picking tomatoes at a local farm for thirty-five cents per basket that I picked. Tomato plants are the stickiest plants around and I would go home green every day.

 

[Tim Fezziwig]

My first job was when I was around 14 or 15 years old. I worked one summer picking tomatoes at a local farm for thirty-five cents per basket that I picked. Tomato plants are the stickiest plants around and I would go home green every day.

Rich ,I worked at the Stage Depot in Pennington NJ. Maybe you heard of it? They sold it and now it is JUNK! Too bad!

 

[bscenefilms]

My first job was picking strawberries in Jr. High. Backbreaking work. Paid next to nothing. I lasted half a day.

 

[Phil-E the G-Shizzle]

I might have my first job later in the week.

 

[Tim Fezziwig]

I might have my first job later in the week.

Good luck Phil. Don't do anything I did. That was the 80's. Now cameras are EveryWhere! Everywhere! Everywhere. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING!

 

[Tim Fezziwig]

DAMMIT! This is good funny writing. What do you people want? Just tell me? More FEZZ garbage? MOMMY I"M GETTING TICKED! WHY DO MY GOOD THREADS roll over and play dead? Alright, I think I'll write an even BETTER thread. SOME PEOPLE!

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy_aaYtRo80]Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Sedan Delivery - YouTube[/ame]

 

[Rich]

Rich ,I worked at the Stage Depot in Pennington NJ. Maybe you heard of it? They sold it and now it is JUNK! Too bad!

Hell yes I've heard of it! I grew up right around there, not even three minutes away. It got bought and became H.I. Rib and, most recently, it was shamefully torn down to make room for some sort of housing project. Very sad. My parents would sometimes take us to the Stage Depot for Sunday morning breakfast when my brother and I were kids.

 

[Tim Fezziwig]

Hell yes I've heard of it! I grew up right around there, not even three minutes away. It got bought and became H.I. Rib and, most recently, it was shamefully torn down to make room for some sort of housing project. Very sad. My parents would sometimes take us to the Stage Depot for Sunday morning breakfast when my brother and I were kids.

I worked there! Yes Baby! Truth in Advertising! GREAT BURGERS +FRIES at Depot! What a place. Remember the bowling alley? I would get DRUNK there at lunchIMPORTS! Then back to my Keg. I was a FUN DRUNK!

 

[Rich]

I worked there! Yes Baby! Truth in Advertising! GREAT BURGERS +FRIES at Depot! What a place. Remember the bowling alley? I would get DRUNK there at lunchIMPORTS! Then back to my Keg. I was a FUN DRUNK!

Of course! Hiohela Bowling! We used to go there as kids but it's now a very small strip mall with a QuickCheck and another shop with nothing in it at the moment. I also would go swimming at Stony Brook Golf and Swim club. This all my home turf!

 

[Tim Fezziwig]

Of course! Hiohela Bowling! We used to go there as kids but it's now a very small strip mall with a QuickCheck and another shop with nothing in it at the moment. I also would go swimming at Stony Brook Golf and Swim club. This all my home turf!

I Love you more than Leu now. WE HAVE HISTORY!

 

[Lurko]

This one's for the 17 year old you, Tim. Pick yer poison:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c_GX2CYkcQ]Superchunk - Slack Motherfucker - YouTube[/ame]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxgnsuUQKnE]fIREHOSE - Slack Motherfucker - YouTube[/ame]

 

[Tim Fezziwig]

This one's for the 17 year old you, Tim. Pick yer poison:

Superchunk - Slack ************ - YouTube

fIREHOSE - Slack ************ - YouTube

Nice Lurko. My motto was"I'm not paid to sweat,just to be here."

 

[Engel]

You should write songs about this stuff Fezz...


"I got my first real kid job, I was sweatin and sweepin so hard...
I swept it til my blisters formed, and took naps under the bar..."


[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f06QZCVUHg]Bryan Adams - Summer of 69 - YouTube[/ame]

 

[Tim Fezziwig]

You should write songs about this stuff Fezz...


"I got my first real kid job, I was sweatin and sweepin so hard...
I swept it til my blisters formed, and took naps under the bar..."


Bryan Adams - Summer of 69 - YouTube

Engel I love that song! I might? Probably more of a spoken word piece. I wrote Love +Discount Food after a trip to Food Basics with Mrs. fezz...If You Got Love And You got Discount Food.......You're Doing Aright.... Isaid You're doing Alright. hell, let me post this jem. PROMO TO DEATH!
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Nd5-jSt7S8&list=UUtKiNiqWoZ_vtb8UjH0gW6Q&index=18&feature=plcp]Love And Discount Food.mov - YouTube[/ame]

 

[Roberteaux]

Great post, Tim!

My first "real" job was as a landscaper/shepherd. I worked at a bed and breakfast ,housed on 20 acres. My job was to mow grass and take care of the menagerie. I LOVED my job.

I would have a "determined" look on my face and a broom on my shoulder.

...They left and I finished my nap. I then walked by the window BROOM IN HAND What a HARD worker.

Yes! They were overwhelmed by their sheer admiration of your teenaged work ethic!

I was kind of the same. My first job was to work stock at a grocery store. I was thirteen, the youngest age that the State of New York would allow a kid on the payroll to be...

One of my favorite (of many) dodges was to walk around with a pen and clipboard in hand, frowning at the rows of cans on the shelves as if in deep thought, all worried about the stock situation... But since we had a formula we used to figure when it was time to order stock, I actually tended to get the stock order finished in a really short time-- like, twenty minutes per aisle. After that, however, all I was really doing was goofing off for an hour or so, just walking around the store, chatting people, and scoping out women. But if a boss showed up, I would instantly resume my solemn gaze at the shelves-- so dedicated!

It was mostly BS, but my boss loved me for being so thorough in my work anyway.

One day RedBeard and I had to kill a lame chicken. We were drunk ,so the job was messy. We cut off half the chicken's head. The chicken flew about ,drenching RedBeard and I with blood. Some guy saw us and called the cops. He thought we were serial killersThe local cops came and had a laugh.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mbk81X6WHA4]1966 opening theme to Green Acres tv show - YouTube[/ame]

"That is mine<I put it there yesterday."
I shook my head.
"Why is my name signed on the bill?"
"I was showing RedBeard how to sign your name"

I gave Winston that "signed" $5. It was WAY worth it. I laugh right now thinking about it.

OMG!

I eventually got "laid off". It was a very sad day. I knew I woud never have a job like this again. Free beer. 2 hour naps. Free Porno. I was young +dumb and full of JUNK! I'm wiping a tear as I write this.

Me too... how come I never got a job like this?

Oh, How Time Fades Away!

Indeed. I will be 54 years old in a few short weeks. Seems like it was only a couple of years ago that I was 42... and three years before that, I was thirty. Retrospect is of a distinctly compressed nature, and one's direct memories take a long time to fade away.

"But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near."
--Andrew Marvell (1621-1678)

You poets are a pain in the ass, always keeping it real like that... bless you anyway!

Stay strong, Tim!

--R

 

[Engel]

Rob with a great post! thx brother

 

[Thermionik]

My first job was back in '68, I used to put wax in stars ears.

No joke.

The company (Anatomical Plastics) made earpieces for the TV studios.
Based in Camden Town, I used to have to zip over to wherever (airport, hotel, theatre, studio) and press wax into their ear to take an impression so we could make bespoke and perfectly fitted earpieces for TV interviews and the like.
My first pay packet took me straight to the clothes shop and bought me a Brutus shirt, needle-cord with the hook-loop in the middle of the back, in golden yellow.
Black jeans, golden yellow shirt, and smoking matching Black Russian Balkan Sobranie cigarettes inbetween spliffs made for some seriously strange looks from the doormen at various venues. But it got me to hear some cool music and meet some lovely ladies..... they were the only time I ever broke in to a sweat on those long hot summer nights.